What to wear on the interview? Nothing. Be naked. Be in doctor's, military, or pop star, Jewish ultra Orthodox Chasidic outfit. What to bring on the interview? Brain, if you have one (requirement) Resume (strongly recommend) Paper with the addresses and phone numbers off all your jobs and references (recommend) Pens, ids, blank papers, a novel book, and a cd-radio walkman (optional) Your lawyers, your 70-year-old parents, wives, and children (it will not hurt) Snacks, chips, soda, and any kind of food (You may be polite to offer your leftovers to your prospective boss. It shows that you care.) A gun (Just in case, if somebody attacks you first) How are you? Ignore it. How are you? Hi to you too. Can you tell me about yourself? 1. Yes, I can period. 2. I am a 20-year-old ultra religious Jew and I demand Fridays off. 3. My real name is Menachem Mendel ben Abraham from Minsk, from the Levy or Israeli family. I used to be called MakSim Vissariunovich (Moisha Shlomo) in my native country of Belarus, which is located in North Africa. I like you, so you can just call me Mr. Chliokumwghsovichzkiy-Cohen. 4. I am a nice man. Is it a problem? 5. Why don't you tell me first about yourself!!! 6. I am looking for a girlfriend. What were your job duties on your previous jobs? 1. I wear different hats during a workday: baseball, big black hat that was popular in 1930s, yarmulkes (kipa) from time to time. Use copy machine, fax, phone, toilet and washroom, web browsing to adult content sites, and emailing junk. I can use different types of equipment, up to date, and always willing to learn something new. I am also a good listener, communicator, and a real team player. When the boss tries to explain to me some stuff for a half an hour, I usually do the following. I nod my head for a while like I understand, look straight at her eyes, lips, etc and try to picture her naked, and finally look at some distant point. When she is done explaining, I ask only one question," What did you talk about?" And the process starts over again until she is burned up. I communicate real well with bosses, co-workers, and outside of the company people. I never pick up my phone. My voice-message is incomprehensible to understand because it has such a heavy accent, so it is not clear in what language it is spoken. I don't talk to my co-workers because I have only one question in mind "Why is this idiot makes more money than I make?" So, since there is no communication and teamwork, none can accuse me that I am bad communicator or team player.

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