Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, and asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "I'll tell him.

It is truly said that children brighten a home - they never turn the lights off.

Two women ran into the court of King Solomon, fighting. "My daughter was to marry this man, but this woman claims that the man was to marry HER daughter!" one of them yelled. "There is a simple solution," said the King. "I shall cut the man in two and each of your daughters can have a piece." "Fine by me!" said the first woman. "No, don't, I would rather let the other girl marry him than that!" cried the second. The King didn't hesitate for a minute. "Fine." he said. "The first woman my have him." "What?" protested the other? "She wanted him cut in two!" "Indeed." said the king. "She shows the true spirit of a mother-in-law!"

A family was having dinner and the little boy said,"Dad I don't like the
holes in the cheese!" Well son, eat the cheese and leave the holes on the
side of the plate.

Q. Did you hear the Energizer Bunny Was Arrested?
R. Charged With Battery!

The parents of a difficult boy were discussing what to give him for a birthday present. The mother said, “Let’s buy him a bicycle.”
“Well,” said the father, “maybe – but do you think it will improve his behavior?”
“Probably not,” said the mother, “but it will spread it over a wider area.”

Q. Why did the student eat his homework?
A. His teacher said it was a piece of cake.